Last weekend I went over to McDonald’s for some pre-drinking rations. I pulled up to the drive-thru speaker box and ordered…I then realized I’d need food for now (sober) and later (drunk) so I asked the woman for a plastic knife so I could eat half my Big Mac now and half when I was 2 sheets to the wind. I completed my order and was told to drive to window two - where this conversation took place: 

Genius: How many sets of cultree do you need?
Me [utterly confused]: Uh…what?
Genius [clearly annoyed]: How many sets of cultree do you need?
Me [growing more confused]: Um…what’s cultree?
Genius [astounded at my lack of knowledge concerning the English language]: You know…like a knife and fork?
Me [biting my lip to prevent me from laughing in her face]: You mean cutlery?
Genius [not giving a crap]: Uh, yeah whatever.
Me [dumbfounded]: One will be just fine, thanks. 

Now, if drive-thru Stephen Hawking had been a pimple-faced 16 year old, I probably would have shrugged it off but no, this was a middle aged McDonald’s employee…no words.

 
 

Every so often there is a video on the internet that makes me laugh so hard, that I cry…this is one of those videos. The back story behind this particular video is that a bunch of friends got together and decided to drop a few tabs of acid. Suddenly they realized one of their friends had gone missing. Minutes later they discovered him alone in a bedroom closet, talking to himself. Instead of coaxing him out of the closet they decided to record his ramblings and later animate it.

 

In other news…I was given the name and email of a sitcom writer who currently lives in Manhattan, she’s also an alumni of Castleton. I’m hoping that over spring break I’ll be able to take her out to lunch and meet with her. This is exactly the kind of thing I should be doing right now in order to get my name out there and my foot in the door. Wish me luck!

 
 

So...as many people know, I have an unusual fascination with wikipedia. I wiki EVERYTHING. Recently I wikied my birthday and finally, my life (oddities and all) makes perfect sense. Various exciting things happened on my birthday, as well as the birth of some very awesome people. I'd like to now breakdown some of the amazing events that happened in history on August 4th - and more importantly, why my life is the way it is.

Events:
1693 - Date traditionally ascribed to Dom Perignon's invention of Champagne.
*This explains my love for champagne*

1892 - The family of Lizzie Borden is found murdered in their Fall River, Massachusetts home.
*This explains my love of violence*

1944 - The Holocaust: a tip from a Dutch informer leads the Gestapo to a sealed-off area in an Amsterdam warehouse where they find
JewishdiaristAnne Frank and her family.
*This explains my love of Jewish people*

Births:
1792 - Percy Bysshe Shelley, English poet (d. 1822)
*This explains why I became an English major*

1821 - Louis Vuitton, French designer (d. 1892)
*This explains my love for overpriced purses*

1961 - Barack Obama, 44th
President of the United States
*This explains my love for democrats*

 

I called my mom to explain this revelation to her - she was not as enthused about it as I would have hopped. Granted it was 6am and I was wired, but still...when your child has a life altering realization like that, a little enthusiasm isn't too much to ask for, is it?