My brother has swine flu...I'm allergic to the meds they give family members. Awesome.

In other news, my friend Patch and I were discussing the various things we'd do if we had access to a midget/a troupe of midgets. If I had only one midget, I'd prefer for it to be of the Mexican persuasion, I'd get it a sombrero and a belt made of various hot sauces...I'd call it "my value sized burrito" - Dad says I'm going to hell. If I had a troupe of midgets I'd dress them in green corduroy overalls and make them build me a tree house like the Keebler Elves, only they wouldn’t be allowed to bake things in the tree because everyone knows that’s how the California wildfires start every year. If that turned out to be boring I'd give them blue wetsuits, tape dolphin fins to their backs, throw them in the pool and pretend it was a family of baby dolphins. Lastly, if all else failed I'd send them out to sell beef jerky on the side of the highway and make them scream "buy my shriveled meats!"

It really is fun being me…



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