Sweaty McSweats A Lot
- Posted 10/20/09 -

He was nice - but very moist...

Sweaty: it's pretty humid in here
Me: we're outside
Sweaty: well, i mean the general area that we're in...this outside tented situation
Me: yeah, i guess. there are a lot of people out here so it can be pretty hot with all that body heat
Sweaty: you're right. i mean will you look at my pits. i'll have to get this shirt dry cleaned now. it smells so bad and look at the pits!
(i did NOT look at "the pits")
Me: haha...
Sweaty: how come you're not sweating? aren't you totally hot? i bet your butt is kinda sweaty
Me: i'm pretty set. there is a nice breeze and i'm pretty sure my ass isn't sweaty
(we ate dinner and chatted, trying to avoid the obvious that he was drenched in his own fluids)
Sweaty (with beads of sweat running down his face): so would it be weird if i tried to kiss you?
Me: i think you might slip off my face or something
(he did try to kiss me, i turned my face and he kissed me on the cheek...leaving a gallon of sweat on my face)


Dating Score Card:
Lauren: 0 (seeing a pattern?)
Men: 4 

Married Man...
- Posted 8/20/09 -

We met for drinks...

MM: so yeah, im not down for the whole settling down idea, it's so old to me
Me: me too! people think it's weird that i don't want to get hitched and pop out some kids
MM: no way, i totally understand it
(at this point his hand is on the bar table and i notice an absent tan line where a wedding ring would be)
Me: haha, that's a random tan line...
MM: oh i know
(ashamed he pulls his hand down from my view)
Me: that looks a lot like where a wedding ring would be...
(2 minutes of awkward silence)
Me: um...you're not married are you?
(more silence)
MM: technically, yes
Me: well...then technically your a dick & i'm leaving


Dating Score Card:
Lauren: 0 (still)
Men: 3

The Geico Caveman...
- Posted 8/17/09 -

We dined at a Mexican bar...

TGC: me and my bro nick usually go to bars on the weekend to hunt for pussy
Me: oh
TGC: yeah, the boardy barn is a hot spot for easy, drunk pussy
Me: oh
TGC: you ever go to the boardy barn?
Me: can't say I have
TGC: i'd probably pretend to spill a beer on you just to get your tits wet
Me: oh
TGC: you get a lot of dick?
Me: tons
TGC: if you play your cards right, maybe you'll have me in you later
Me: yeah, i don't think so

*I did not have him in me later...*

Dating Score Card:
Lauren: 0
Men: 2

Chubby Cuppy Cake Boy - 20 years later...
- Posted 8/12/09 -

We met at Applebees...

CCCB: so i worked for the ASPCA for a while...
Me: oh, that must have been interesting
CCCB: yeah, one time i had this lady bring in a huge box full of dead cats
Me: um
CCCB: yeah, it was totally sad and i had to like touch all these dead cats
Me: um
CCCB: and some of them were bloody and stuff
Me: um
CCCB: is this making you uncomfortable?
Me: yeah
CCCB: ok, change of topic
Me: good idea
CCCB: so this one time a dog bit me and i had to get stiches and some shots just in case
Me: um
CCCB: yeah, then they had to put the dog down
Me: um
CCCB: it was sad
Me: um
CCCB: is this making you uncomfortable?
Me: yeah

*As you can imagine, the rest of the date went much like this...*

Dating Score Card:
Lauren: 0
Men: 1