*While discussing our upcoming trip to Citi Field...*

Mom: I don't think I want to go, it's outside and it might be cold
Me: It's under a structure, these seats cost $180 a piece!
Mom: Well, where are the seats?
Me: Look online, go to the website
*She looked at the online seating chart*
Mom: OH MY GOD!
Me: What?
Mom: THESE SEATS ARE INSANE!
Me: I know, they cost $180 a seat, they'd better be awesome
Mom: Look at all the different consession stands around the seats! Man, I'm so in!
Me: I get VIP tickets and you're pumped about the ballpark foods?
 

*While paying my bills online...*

Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Paying my Old Navy bill online
Mom: I didn't know you could do that
*At this point I'm having trouble with the account, we share an account & she messes with it*
Me: Have you touched the online access to this account?
Mom: No
Me: Then why can't I get into it?
Mom: I don't know
Me: Why is your bank account listed on here?
Mom: I don't know
Me: Did you use the online portion of this account?
Mom: Yes
Me: Seconds ago...you didn't know you could do this...
*She stares blankly ahead*
Me: What did you change all the security answers to?
Mom: I don't know
Me: Are you retarded?
Mom: I don't think so

*While talking about home facials...*

Mom: Did you know if you put a wet wash cloth in the microwave, it's like a steam facial?
Me: Yup
Mom: Seriously, it's amazing!
Me: Uh huh
Mom: No, really...
Me: I know and for the record, you didn't invent hot towels
Mom: I'm serious, it's great for your skin
Me: I know
Mom: You've gotta try it
Me: No I don't
Mom: Really?
Me:...
Mom: C'mon
Me:...

Eventually she tired of the silence and walked away...